Lesson 1: You teach people how to treat you.
This has got to be the most fundamental lesson
of any relationship course because it reminds you that ultimately,
you have choice and power. Too many people spend too much time feeling
like they are victims of their relationships rather than realizing
that they have an awful lot to do with what it is they experience.
Lesson 2: You teach people how to treat you in two primary ways:
1. By what you communicate to others;
2. By your relationship with yourself.
Let’s look at Part 1 of this lesson
first. How many of you assume that those closest to you should know
what it is you want or need? How many of you have thought,
“If he/she really loved me, he/she would know I need a hug/am
tired/don’t feel like talking/had a hard day at work/_______________(fill
in the blank…).
And yet, the truth is that there is no link between love and mind
reading. As a responsible person, it really is your responsibility
to communicate what is true for you. This means that it’s
your job to tell the other person, specifically, how you feel,
what you want, and how you want things to be. Otherwise, you just
end up imagining a whole lot of stories, the majority of which
have nothing to do with what is really going on.
Part 2 of this lesson addresses how you set the bar for how others
treat you. For example, when you are supportive and compassionate
to yourself, you are in essence communicating to the world, “I
deserve to be treated well!” Rather than treating yourself
poorly and hoping someone will rescue you—which never, ever
works by the way—you set the standard and over time, people
respond in kind. Unfortunately, this lesson also works in reverse:
when you treat yourself poorly, more often than not, others do
What’s next? Relationship 201 of course! Stay tuned for
my next newsletter when I’ll take a closer look at what your
present relationships say about you, and how to make changes if
you don’t like what you’re hearing!
Until next time…